A couple of weeks ago Elara was excited about the prospect of turning 100 one day. She asked if I would be at her party. So I said no, and explained that when she was as old as 100, I would be too old to be alive anymore and would have probably died quite some time ago, and now be in Heaven. This upset her so much that I was a bit taken aback. She started crying immediately. It wasn’t that “I’ve hurt my knee’ kind of crying. Or the ‘but that’s not the way I want it’ kind of crying. It was the ‘I’ve lost my Mum in the shops’ kind of crying: panicked, emotional, uncontrollable.
She said that she was upset because she wanted us to die at the same time, together (at this I did a quick and secret prayer that this would never be the case and that she would far outlive me). She also said that she was upset because in this case I wouldn’t be there to carry her to Heaven when she died. My response? That God would look after her better than I ever could, and that His angels were protecting her even then. We talked about it for awhile and she became calm, though I didn’t think she was completely satisfied.
Last week (after our bedtime prayers), she burst into the same crying and questions as the previous time. This time she asked me to ask God to carry her to Heaven if I couldn’t. I suggested that she ask. So there we were in her bed, me crying quietly at the beauty of my child and at the honesty of real prayer, and Elara shouting out, through tears, “please can YOU carry me to Heaven God?”
I am so grateful that I have confidence in the answers I give to my children about God and love and life. I don’t have to make something up, or tell them what they want to hear, then walk away wondering myself.
I know it.
It brings me peace.
And I can pass that peace on to my kids.
That’s what I love about Easter.
She said that she was upset because she wanted us to die at the same time, together (at this I did a quick and secret prayer that this would never be the case and that she would far outlive me). She also said that she was upset because in this case I wouldn’t be there to carry her to Heaven when she died. My response? That God would look after her better than I ever could, and that His angels were protecting her even then. We talked about it for awhile and she became calm, though I didn’t think she was completely satisfied.
Last week (after our bedtime prayers), she burst into the same crying and questions as the previous time. This time she asked me to ask God to carry her to Heaven if I couldn’t. I suggested that she ask. So there we were in her bed, me crying quietly at the beauty of my child and at the honesty of real prayer, and Elara shouting out, through tears, “please can YOU carry me to Heaven God?”
I am so grateful that I have confidence in the answers I give to my children about God and love and life. I don’t have to make something up, or tell them what they want to hear, then walk away wondering myself.
I know it.
It brings me peace.
And I can pass that peace on to my kids.
That’s what I love about Easter.
Katherine, that is so moving. What a lovely, sensitive girl you have. Your certainty is inspiring.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful story Katherine. Thankyou for sharing it. I do wonder how people live without hope in something bigger than themselves. And it certainly seems that having children brings a lot of these things to the surface. Looking forward to these moments in the future. What beautiful girls you have. Well done!
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